White coat. Heels.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
