Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
