two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
