My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
false alarm, still single
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
