Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
