Got a toothbrush?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
