i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've blown a few things in my day
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
