yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Life without a bra equals bliss.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
