I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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