She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well you can't waste a boner
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
