chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
