you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
