you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
