somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
