Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
