I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
