well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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