I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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