my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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