Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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