I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
