Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
