I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
