Please, let me fuck your mom
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
