i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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