i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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