i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
