His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
