just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
