KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
