Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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