i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
