i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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