The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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