thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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