She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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