Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
