I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
