Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
this is an emotional support booty call
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
