im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
