addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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