; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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