Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
