And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
