Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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