He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
