Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
