If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
