Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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