Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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